Dickens and Me

CHAPTER NINE
(copyright 2009 Anita Birt)
Greg wasn't sure he'd heard right. "What do you mean you might stay longer in Vancouver? That's not the deal."
Laura slid into the seat beside David. "I'll keep him company in case he gets fussy on the drive home."
"Fussy?" Greg closed her door. He had a bad feeling coming on. A Laura feeling. She was up to something. She'd set him up as the fall guy.
Determined to stick to his guns, he got in, started the car and made his way out of the airport. Rush hour traffic flooded the highway network. Too busy driving to plan his offensive strategy he'd wait until they reached home to deal with his sister
The stale smell of baby vomit stung Greg's nose. "David puked on me."
"He's upset. He'll settle once we're at the house."
Away from the airport traffic Greg glanced at the baby in the rear view mirror. David rubbed his eyes and closed them. "Does he usually fall asleep in the car?"
"Sometimes."
A light dawned inside Greg's brain. If the kid was fussy he'd take him driving, that would take a few hours off the forty-eight he'd agreed to mind him.
Laura tapped Greg on the shoulder. "About me leaving on the red-eye flight tonight, it's a temporary glitch. When Colin's okay to fly we'll come straight here."
"Not a chance. I promised to mind David for two days. Two days. That's the deal. Today is Tuesday. I expect you back here early Friday morning. Catch the last flight out of Vancouver on Thursday night with or without Colin."
A strangled sob from Laura alerted Greg to don his armor and raise the drawbridge. "Don't start crying."
"You've never been like this before," she snuffled.
"This is the new me, tough as nails with a bad attitude."
"Maybe I won't leave David with you if you're going to be like that."
"Be my guest." Round One. He'd derailed Laura's plans.
"You know I can't take him. What if Colin has something contagious? Do you want David to get sick?"
Greg gripped the steering wheel. Laura was a past master at turning the tables on him. If he sent David with her, the kid might get sick. If he agreed to keep the kid for an extra day or two, Laura wins.
He remained stonily silent until they reached the house. Laura had boxed him in. Only a cold-hearted brute would endanger a baby.
Greg stretched and got out of the car. "I'll take David." Might as well learn some of the ropes before she took off.
The baby didn't waken as Greg released him from the car seat and lifted him out. Relaxed in sleep, he had the innocent look of an angel.
He tossed the car keys at Laura. "You bring in David's suitcase. I'll take the other bag." She'd wrestled the suitcase around London, let her sweat a bit. He'd rather hold the baby.
Kim barked as Greg unlocked and opened the door leading from the garage. She sniffed and raised her head. "We've got a baby, Kim."
He hunkered down for the dog to breathe in David's scent. "He doesn't smell so good right now but you'll get to like him when he's clean." Greg straightened up. "I'll take David up to his room."
Determined to maintain his bad attitude, he studiously ignored his sister and the monster suitcase.
She dumped it on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. "I'll take out the cans of formula and put them in the kitchen."
Clever Laura, Greg thought, and walked slowly upstairs. The minute Greg put the baby in his cot he wakened, squeezed his face into scowl, opened his mouth and started crying.
Not just a cry, a full-throated angry roar. Greg picked him up. "There, there," he said and jiggled him. "I'm your Uncle Greg and we're going to be pals."
David howled louder, pumped his little legs and held his breath. And held his breath!
"Laura! Get up here. David's stopped breathing." Greg panicked. If anything happened to the kid? Don't think it! He'd call 911. The phone was in his bedroom. He'd do mouth to mouth.
Laura dashed into the room as David sucked in another breath and held it. The kid was going to pass out! His brown skin paled. Laura plucked him from Greg's arms and holding him over her shoulder patted his back. Instantly he stopped crying, and like a pricked balloon, let out the breath he'd been holding.
Relieved to see the kid was still alive Greg sucked in air. "What's the matter with him?"
"He's probably hungry and everything is strange. I'll change his diaper and let you feed him. It'll give you a chance to bond."
"What am I supposed to do if he cries like that after you leave? What if he won't breathe?"
Panic bloomed like a poisonous weed inside Greg's inadequate uncle heart.
"Don't worry. He was just having a tantrum. Pat his back. Sing to him. Walk him around. He'll soon get used to you. Let me show you how to change his diaper then you can give him his bottle."
Change his diaper. Feed him. Pat. Sing. Walk. To Greg's stressed out ears it sounded like an invitation to a marathon fraught with hidden dangers.
"I've got lots of diapers." He smiled bravely. "What size does he wear?"
Laura gazed at the packages stacked on the bureau. "That one." She pointed at one in the middle. "Bring a few to the changing table and watch how I do it."
In the hands of an expert it looked dead easy. Laura put David on his back on the table, kissed him, undid the snap fasteners on his baby jeans and loosened the diaper. Some kind of adhesive stuff kept the diaper together. Neat, Greg thought, better than safety pins, he couldn't have coped with pins.
"Where's a plastic bag to put this in?" She handed the sodden diaper to Greg.
"In the bathroom. I'll get it."
He returned with the diaper safely stowed in the bag. "Now what?"
"You wipe his bum with..." She looked around. "Did you buy baby wipes?"
"You didn't tell me to." Greg felt like a not very bright ten year old. What did he know about cleaning a baby's bum? Nothing.
"I'll use baby oil."
Greg jumped to attention. "I've got some in the bathroom."
"Perfect. Bring in some tissues as well. David will be okay until you can get to a store. After you clean him up, powder him and put on a clean diaper."
Greg retrieved the oil, watched her swipe some around his plump little bum and handed her the tin of powder. He leaned over the baby. "Does he have diaper rash or anything like that?"
Laura slipped a diaper under the baby. "He's fine."
David's little penis suddenly went into action and pee shot straight at Greg.
"What the hell!" He'd taken a direct hit. Grabbing some tissues he mopped up the pee dripping down his chin. "You could've warned me. The kid's a menace."
Laura giggled. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you but not to worry, baby pee is supposed to be good for the skin. We'll have to use another diaper, this one is wet."
Staying safely out of harm's way Greg watched her adjust the clean diaper. Easy, just keep an eye on David's penis.
He carried the baby to the kitchen for Laura to teach him how to prepare David's bottle.
"No more sterilizing bottles," Laura said. Out of her black bag she fished out a small can, a bottle, nipple enclosed and a package of bottle liners. "I bought a couple of cans of special formula for traveling. We'll use that for now but with the other big tins I brought read the instructions. Always used boiled water and sterilize the nipples."
Greg nodded trying to remember the stream of instructions as she opened the can. "You put a liner in the bottle, fill it with the formula, fit on the nipple, and that's it."
She grinned at her dazed brother. "You feed him while I phone the airport and see if my flight is leaving on time. I'll call a cab to pick me up in an hour."
"An hour! You can't do this to me. I can't cope."
David started to cry. Greg's survival skills kicked in. He grabbed the bottle from Laura and sat in the chair by the window overlooking the pool.
Feeling as awkward as a one-armed paperhanger, Greg settled the baby in the crook of his left arm. "How about a drink, kid?"
The kid stared at Greg.
"Here's looking at you." Big uncle smiled and popped the nipple into David's mouth.
His nephew glommed on to it and sucked noisily. Poor little guy was hungry. Greg looked into the little brown face and his heart lurched into a free fall.
It was like. What was it like? Like nothing he'd ever experienced. Sort of like falling in love but different. Like being a father or a true blue uncle. Like protecting the baby with his life if he had to.
Whatever it was, Greg knew no harm would come to David while he cared for him. He was a rank amateur at the job and hoped the baby wouldn't give him a hard time. It'd be good practice for when he married and had kids of his own.
Laura hurried into the kitchen. "You two look good together." She stood over them. "I'll bring down the highchair from his room. You'll need it here to feed him."
She paused at the kitchen door. "I have to leave sooner than I thought. The taxi's on its way. My flight time has changed."
For all his heartfelt good intentions towards his nephew a yawning chasm of ignorance opened in front of Greg. "But you haven't shown me how to put him to bed. Or what kind of food he likes to eat. Or what to do when he wakes up in the morning. Or if he naps in the day." Whining like a lost soul, the world trembled under Greg's feet. The chasm beckoned.
"You can't do this to me. It isn't fair. You're leaving David in the hands of an untested, untrained, baby-minder. Don't you care what happens to your child?"
"Of course, I care. That's why I trust you to look after him." She leaned on the side of the door. "If you have any trouble or are worried about David, take him to a doctor. You must know someone who can help."
"I've met a doctor but I don't know her very well."
"Then David will help you get to know her better. Is she attractive? It's about time you settled down and started a family. There used to be lot of good looking girls in Markbridge." Laura frowned slightly. "I saw a woman at the airport who looked familiar but I couldn't place her, she probably went to school with us."
"I doubt it. Anyway I can't run to the doctor and ask for advice about feeding him." A helpless male wouldn't win him any brownie points with Caroline.
"Not to worry. It's great that you know someone in case you have any questions. I'll get the highchair and my book of instructions from David's suitcase."
"Not to worry. Book of instructions," Greg muttered. David had drained his bottle. "Your mother is leaving you in the hands of an incompetent uncle." Greg kissed the top of the baby's head. "We'll muddle through. Somehow."
He heard Laura thumping down the stairs and along the hall to the kitchen with the high chair.
"Whew, that's awkward to carry." She put it beside Greg. "Make sure you fasten him in or he'll wriggle out and fall. I've left his Teddy bear in his cot. He sleeps with it."
She picked up the baby. "Have you burped him?"
"Burped?"
"Like this." She rested David on her shoulder and patted his back for a few seconds. A hearty belch that would've done a beer drinker proud erupted form the kid. "That's better isn't it, my sweetie?" Laura kissed him.
"You can't call a boy, sweetie."
"Sure I can. Now let's get him strapped into the chair. He likes to bang a spoon or a saucepan lid on the tray when you feed him. I had to leave his toys back home. Maybe you can buy some."
"Spoon. Pot lid. Burp. Anything else? What does he eat and when?"
"Just a sec. I'll get the book I made up for you. I've put his sleepers out on the change table and a diaper. If he poops, you'll have to bathe him to make sure he's clean."
"Poop?" Greg flinched. David was going to be a barrel of laughs.
"Honestly, what planet do you live one? David is just like you and me. He eats and drinks and pees and poops."
"Okay, forget the bad stuff. What do I feed him?"
"I've written it all down in my notebook." Laura opened the cupboard door and examined Greg's purchases. She reached for a jar of peaches. "He likes fruit. Try him with some green vegetables tomorrow and a couple of small scoops of the pureed meat. You can mix the baby cereal with some of his formula for breakfast."
She poked jars aside. "You haven't got any carrots. David likes carrots. You'd better buy some tomorrow and get rusks or arrowroot biscuits for him to chew on. He's teething. His two bottom teeth are nearly through." She handed Greg the peaches. "I'll be right back."
His head reeling from information overload, Greg opened the jar. He chose a tablespoon for David to bang on the tray and a teaspoon to feed him.
Laura returned with the notebook. "Everything you have to know is in there and as soon as I get to Colin's hotel I'll phone and see how you're doing. David is used to having my friends look after him. He's a sociable baby."
The doorbell chimed. Kim raced out of the kitchen barking. David started to cry. He threw his spoon across the room. Mew and Stew shot straight into the air and scuttled behind the African violet planter.
"That'll be my taxi," Laura said in a calm voice. She hugged David. "You be good for Uncle Greg."
She smiled at him. "Take good care of my boy." Then she was gone.
"Laura!" Greg called after her. "You be here early Friday morning."
The front door slammed.

www.anitabirt.com