Dickens and Me

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
(Copyright 2009, Anita Birt)

Greg left the party shortly after Caroline. Why the big secret about her past? He'd felt like a damned fool when Tansy surprised everyone by remembering Caroline from their student days at Markbridge High.
How many times had he been with her and hadn't made the connection? So much for his photographic memory.
His memory of Kate Southern was sporadic. She'd been in his classes all through high school. A brilliant student. Very reserved. All he could recall for sure was her hair. She'd had a long braid. He'd yanked it once and she'd decked him. Must have been when they were thirteen or fourteen before he shot up to six feet.
A flash of memory caught him by surprise. He remembered the color of her eyes, blue shading to violet. Where had that come from?
He'd heard her father had smashed up his truck one Christmas Eve and died at the scene. Why hadn't he tried to speak to her then? She must have been devastated.
He hadn't known Kate at all until their final year in school. They'd tied as top students in their class and been chosen to represent Markbridge High at a political debate in Ottawa with schools from across Canada.
Greg drove home slowly and felt bad. She'd never been part of his crowd, the in clique. You were in or you were out. Most of the guys on the football team and the girls who hung around with them came from families who could afford skiing holidays in the winter and trips to Europe in the summer.
Memories flooded back.
Kate worked after school and on holidays. He'd seen her checking out groceries in the market on weekends and pumping gas at the local Shell station on week nights. Not once when he went for a fill of gas had he paid any attention to her except to say, "hi." She might as well have been invisible.
He parked his car in the garage and walked down to the swing. His last memory of Kate Southern was of her wrapped in a sheet, huddled in bed beside him, crying.
Hell, he hadn't known she was a virgin. At eighteen? The girls he'd known had lost their virginity years before eighteen.
He'd used a condom, the only one he had. Greg propped his head in his hands. Kate had wanted more after the first time. He should have stopped. She'd had too much to drink with some of the kids at the party. So had he.
She'd climbed on top of him and pressed her breasts against his mouth. He'd latched on to her nipples like there was no tomorrow.
His testosterone fuelled erection had been rock hard. She'd arched up and taken him deep inside her.
Greg winced. If he'd had a lick of sense he'd have rolled out of bed and headed for a cold shower but her quivering response lured him on. He'd come with a bed rocking rush, removed the condom and slipped back inside her for a second go round before they fell asleep.
What a mess. It wasn't love. It was stupid teen sex, horny and irresponsible like a pair of rutting animals.
The morning after was a disaster. She blamed him for what happened. He blamed her for inviting him into her room.
He remembered apologizing. At the time he thought they were both responsible. After they'd returned home and graduated she'd avoided him and he hadn't attempted to speak with her. He'd gone out west to work in the oil fields for the summer before starting university in the fall.
Would things have been different if he'd made the effort to call on her? Greg leaned back on the swing. Was Caroline's prickly attitude because he'd taken her virginity thirteen years ago? Is that why she hadn't told him who she was?
Did the memory embarrass her?
He'd forgotten it until tonight. Now it played like a bad movie inside his head. If what happened in Ottawa still bothered her they could talk it over now like mature adults.
Easier said than done, he thought, but giving up on Caroline wasn't in the cards. He got off the swing and walked up on the veranda. Kim whined behind the front door.
"Quiet." He turned the key in the lock. He didn't want the dog to wake his mother or Davie.
Kim wagged her tail and followed him to the kitchen. Greg closed the door behind them. It was nearly midnight. He picked up the phone.
Damn, he didn't have her home number.
Okay, he'd park outside her house in the morning and wait for her to leave or he'd ring the bell if she didn't appear by nine o'clock.
He had to find out what was bugging her so he could clear the air between them.
* * * * *
A persistent ringing jolted Caroline awake. Bleary eyed from a restless night she propped her elbow on the bed and inspected the clock radio. Nine o'clock! She clapped her hands over her ears.
"Go away," she moaned. Her head ached. She felt like death.
The bell pealed again. With murder in her heart, she got out of bed and stamped to the intercom. "I don't want anything. I'm not interested in religion. I'm sleeping."
"Caroline, I have to talk to you."
"Now?" She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. After last night's disaster Greg was not on her radar. Not today. Maybe never.
"I've picked up two cartons of coffee and bran muffins. We have to talk."
"I'm not dressed and it's too early to talk."
She heard his intake of breath. "I've been up most of the night thinking about you."
"Too bad." She massaged her forehead to clear away the cobwebs threading around her brain.
"I'll stay out here all day and ring your doorbell every two hours until you let me in. We have to talk."
He had her over a barrel. "Okay. You win because I don't want you bothering the neighbors in the building."
She pressed the door release. "Leave the food in the kitchen." She hurried to the bedroom.
Snatching underwear from the bureau drawer on the way to the bathroom she stopped long enough to snap the bra together and step into the panties. She ran cold water in the basin, stuck her head in and splashed herself awake.
Dried off, her hair combed, she put on the navy shirt and shorts she'd worn at the barbecue. Damned if she'd meet him wearing a robe, that would put her at a disadvantage.
In the mood for a knock'em down drag'em down fight she walked slowly to the kitchen.
"Good morning," Greg said.
His cheerful "good morning" did nothing to ease the miserable headache lurking behind Caroline's eyes. He'd hauled her out of bed way too early on her day off and she wasn't in the mood to be polite.
The mouth-watering aroma of fresh coffee teased her taste buds. A caffeine fix would wind her up to deal with him.
She collected plates from the cupboard, opened the bag of muffins and placed two on each plate. "I'll take these. You bring the coffee. We'll sit in the living room."
He followed her. She put the plates on the table next to his roses and sat on the sofa with her back straight and her bare feet planted firmly on the floor. A fighting stance. Ready to spring at him if necessary.
He handed her a cup of coffee and sat on the chair facing her.
This isn't real, Caroline thought. It's as if they were actors in a play waiting for the curtain to go up before speaking their lines. She'd hear what he had to say before launching into her part.
She pried the lid off the cup and sipped some coffee.
Greg broke the silence. "Why didn't you tell me who you were?"
"I thought you'd guess. When you didn't I hoped I'd never see you again."
"You did, several times. I don't understand why the big secret. Why you couldn't play straight with me."
"Play straight with you? You still don't get it, do you?" Too stressed to take another bite, she put the muffin back on the plate. Her shoulders tensed.
"Right, I don't get it." His dark eyed gaze never left her face.
"Okay, I'll tell you. You remember Kate Southern. You remember." Caroline bit her lip. "You remember going to Ottawa with her. With me."
"We were on the debating team."
His attitude burned her. So casual. So cocky. Anger smoldered in her gut. "Remember after the party we ended up in my bed." Saying the words sickened her. Sex with Greg had almost ruined her life.
He leaned forward in his chair. "Of course, I remember. You invited me into your room. We made love."
Caroline stormed to her feet. Coffee splashed on her shirt. She put the cup on the table. "Is that what it was? Love making? Get real. It was raw sex and meant nothing to either of us. I wish I could forget but I can't. You didn't care what happened to me afterwards, did you?" She knuckled her fists into her eyes to stop the tears.
"I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't know you were a virgin."
Caroline's pent up fury erupted. "Your apology is thirteen years too late! I told you I was pregnant. I asked for help. You said, have an abortion and dumped me."
She clasped her arms around her waist and turned away from him. "Get out of here. I never want to see you again."
Shocked by her hit and run punch Greg struggled to understand what she'd said. "What are you talking about? What pregnancy?" How could he have dumped her? They hadn't spoken to each other after they'd returned home from Ottawa. He set the coffee cup on the table and stood.
Caroline whirled to face him. "Our pregnancy. I was the unlucky one in the equation wasn't I? You got off scot-free. You didn't have the courage to tell me yourself. You sent your father to offer me money to pay for an abortion."
She stalked to the window, tweaked a dead bloom from a pink geranium and crushed it between her fingers. "He offered to pay the fees for my first year at university. I told him what I thought of you and him and went to the Toronto clinic on my own."
Dropping the crumpled bloom on the sill, she stalked back to him. "Please leave. I've nothing more to say to you."
Caroline's surprise attack had caught him off guard. What the hell was going on? She'd hit him below the belt and left him hanging on the ropes. Why the mystery about his father? What did he have to do with Kate Southern? When had she met him? Greg sucked air into his lungs.
"I'm not going anywhere until I know what you're talking about. You're not making sense. How was I supposed to know you were pregnant? Nobody told me anything about an abortion. How was I supposed to know? I was working on an oil rig in Alberta all summer." He hesitated. "Are you sure I was responsible?"
"Don't do this to me! I went through hell because of you." She clenched her fists, rushed at him and thumped his chest. "Get out of my apartment. I don't want you in my space. You're a liar and a cheat and..."
He grasped her wrists. "I'm staying until you hear what I have to say. I did not know you were pregnant. Are you listening to me? I did not know."
He released her hands and sucked in more air. "Look at me. Blink if you heard what I said."
If she was telling the truth his father had betrayed them. Greg's stomach lurched. Ever since he'd met Caroline he'd been quietly falling in love with her. He'd come round with coffee and muffins hoping to clear the air between them. Instead of clearing the air, he'd made things worse by insisting on seeing her.
"You are telling me you didn't know I was pregnant and I'm supposed to believe you. Your father said he spoke to you and you urged me to have an abortion."
"Stop right there. The only time my father phoned when I was out west was to tell me I'd won a university scholarship. When did you talk to him?"
"As soon as I knew I was pregnant I went to your home and told your father." A bitter smile tightened her lips. "We sat on the veranda. He didn't invite me in. He heard what I had to say and promised to phone you. He wouldn't give me your number so I could call you myself."
Caroline heaved a sigh. "Then he came to my house. My mother had died from breast cancer two months before high school graduation. I had no one to turn to. Your father said..."
Words stuck in her throat. She rubbed her chest to ease the pain in her heart. "He said you didn't want the baby. He said you were too young to be a father. He said it would be better for both of us if I had an abortion. I couldn't do it. My innocent baby deserved to live."
Bruised and hurting, memories returned to sadden her. Why did he have to come back to Markbridge? Seeing him had opened up a Pandora's Box of old wounds.
Abandoned.
Alone.
She had forgiven herself.
She would never forgive him.
Never.
She wouldn't break down now. Not in front of him. She'd cried rivers of tears thirteen years ago when she gave up the baby for adoption. Suicide hadn't been far from her thoughts until she came to her senses. She had to live for her mother's sake.