Have I got your attention? Good. There has been much discussion in the past few weeks about what it means to be a "real" Canadian. I was born and raised in Canada and feel very real. However, one of Canada's famous historical writers (now deceased) Pierre Berton, commented that a real Canadian should be able to make love in a canoe.
I have paddled canoes. Portaged canoes. Tipped out of canoes and never, ever thought of making love in a canoe. Canoes are remarkably unstable even in calm water. If you shift position too quickly you will end up in the water.
Make love in a canoe. First of all, lay a couple of sleeping bags on the bottom to cover the ribs. If you have a rib-less canoe, all the better. You, the male, are the stern paddler because you know how to do the J stroke. The J stroke is not for sex! It's to keep the canoe on course!
Let's assume the woman is already naked and lying on the sleeping bags. If you're going to make love in a canoe, it's best to be naked to start with. Undressing in a canoe is fraught with danger, you may tip the canoe as you wriggle out of your clothes and end up in the water.
So, let's call them Jake and Jill. Jake is ready. Jill is willing. Jake has to slide the paddle into the canoe. In doing so the canoe wobbles then rights itself. Jake gets on his knees and inches towards Jill. Oh, this is wonderful. He reaches her, inches between her legs and ...
Their lovemaking is vigorous and their orgasms are wild. Unrepeatable unfortunately because the canoe tips them into the water. They come up laughing but not for long. They are way out in the middle of the lake, it's late at night, and the canoe is drifting away.
Does Jake know how to right a canoe? Is he a REAL Canadian? Is Jill? Jake and Jill hang on to the canoe and eventually get it upright. Climb into a canoe? I shall leave the lovers to figure that out. It ain't easy.
Real Canadians carry Canadian passports! That's real enough for me.
Have a look at my web site, www.anitabirt.com and read excerpts of my books.
Anita
9 comments:
LOL--great blog, Anita!
Teri
LOL - I couldn't imagine making love in a canoe! Great blog, Anita.
Just had to read it right after reading your email. Good laugh :D
I just had to look as well Allison...lol. Make love in a canoe Anita? heck, not me...but I guess that's because I'm not Canadian..lol. (Gonna try what we learned at the Nanaimo meeting and add a link inside my name..lol. Wondering if it will work this time?..lol)
JESSIE
Really cute....Boggles the mind, actually...Wish somebody would step up and tell us if they'd actually done it! Jean
Well, Anita, it seems to me that in a canoe 'Tantric sex" may be a safer alternative!!
Well, dear Anita, it seems to me that "Tantric sex" may be safer - at least in a canoe!
Thanks all of you for you great comments. I have funny, funny stories of my old hiking buddy, Joyce,and me paddling a canoe across a mountain lake as a storm blew up. I was the stern paddler because I could do the J stroke. But the storm was too much for me and we beached on a rocky shore until help arrived.
By that time, Joyce and I, were laughing so hard the tears where streaking down our cheeks.
LOL, Anita!
I wonder how Pierre Berton's poor wife felt when she saw his comment in print or heard it in a TV interview. Gosh, I hope their kids weren't in the room at the time!
There are some things we don't want to imagine our parents doing, and sex in a canoe is perhaps at the top of the list!
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